Barriers

We all have barriers. Even those of us who think we don’t! Barriers arise from the fear of being hurt. We erect barriers to protect ourselves following a difficult, traumatic or damaging incident or event, in case that situation, or something that feels like it, ever happens again. There is a memory in the subconscious that will trigger the defences we have put up, and cause the barriers to appear as a reflex defence mechanism.

I noticed with a slight shock recently that my own barriers re-erected themselves automatically at a time when there was a trigger and I felt slightly under stress, to “protect” me from the situation. Not that there was any problem (and it was around something I thought I had dealt with), but for some reason there was fear around that event and its possible outcome. Obviously there is inner work still needed here to be able to drop the barriers so that I can be completely my real authentic self in that situation, with no defences needed! We are such complex creatures and sometimes we can take ourselves by surprise when we discover the remnants of “stuff” we thought we had already processed!

People have barriers up for many very valid reasons. For instance, they are needed for survival in difficult situations, when we are unable to extricate ourselves or make a different choice, and just have to cope. So they are very useful, essential even, at times like these. When they appear unnecessarily on the occasions such as my personal example above, then they need to be looked at and the reasons understood. When we can see what is happening within ourselves when this occurs, and identify why the fear is there, we are halfway towards being able to stop that reaction in its tracks and allow ourselves to just be, without the need for any barriers or defences, as long as the situation that triggered it is actually safe and we feel OK about it.

We have no right to try and tear down people’s inner defences, leaving them scared and vulnerable. People need to be allowed to be in their space, doing their own thing, in their own time and way. We must honour people’s barriers and respect the need for them being there. At the right time, when/if they are ready and it feels safe, the barriers will come down. Then, if we have also let go of our own defences, we will be able to meet them on the same terms, open and vulnerable, with no pretense. Behind this defensive fortress that we build around ourselves there is a uniquely beautiful, shining, empowered human being who secretly longs to let the barriers down and connect with others in this way. Let’s all just continue our inner work of self inquiry, wherever it leads us, and hopefully at some point down the line we will be able to drop the barriers and allow our true nature to shine through in all its beauty and magnificence.

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