True Intimacy

Intimacy is generally regarded from one point of view - as physical intimacy – having a physically intimate relationship with another person : sex, in other words. However, that is only one facet of intimacy, and in this article I want to talk about true intimacy, i.e. connecting with other people intimately at a deep soul level when there is no physical involvement. True intimacy is something rare. It is allowing people to see the real you. It is about connecting and relating with someone at the deepest level of being, no holds barred. This is a place where there are no boundaries, and we can feel ourselves at one with the other. We all have a mask – a persona that we present to the world, which says “this is who I am”. When we drop that, and just allow everyone to see us as we really are, we are relating on a truly intimate level. All barriers and defences down – completely open and vulnerable. Each person totally authentic and true to who they really are, with nothing to hide. This is real intimacy – connecting at our essence. We can connect in this way with friends, family, acquaintances – everyone in fact - if we are coming from that totally authentic place of the soul.

The key to being able to relate in this way is self love. We are not going to be able to drop all the barriers and defences and allow others to see us completely authentic and vulnerable if we have things to hide, or if we are not happy within ourselves in some way. We all have negative self-talk (conditioning), and “stuff” – those occurrences, often from childhood, that we have pushed to the back of our minds or into our sub-conscious – things which are painful and/or traumatic that we would rather not look at or remember. These self beliefs and traumas cause the barriers which we have erected around ourselves over the years, to protect us in circumstances which may feel similar. When there are triggers, our defences are up in force. Removing those defences means facing that “stuff” and those limiting self beliefs, and laying them to rest once and for all. And that is essential if we are going to be able to love ourselves fully and thus relate with others on a truly intimate level. If this article resonates with you and you find yourself wanting to drop the defences and be completely “real”, but you feel something is stopping you, this may be a sign that there is clearing work to do before you feel comfortable about allowing your “shell” to break open to reveal the true you.

I see the sub-conscious – that place where we store all our deepest and sometimes darkest memories – as being like a series of dusty old filing cabinets in a long-forgotten office! In those cabinets we have locked away our memories and experiences, both good and bad. Some never see the light of day again. Others pop up unexpectedly, occasionally, to haunt us when triggered. Most people have a traumatic experience hidden away, buried deep in the filing cabinets of the sub-conscious. Paradoxically, the way to “lay the ghost” of these painful memories, is to take them out, look at them and go into them fully, allowing the feelings to surface and finally dissipate, leaving us free of them at last. Our instinctive reaction to memories that cause us pain is to shy away from them. But we should be going the opposite way – right into them! Only that way will we be able to allow the feelings from those traumas to surface and dissipate, so healing ourselves of our painful “stuff”.

Of course, it is useful to have someone with you to support and guide when you do this clearing work. There are certain counsellors and alternative practitioners who work in this way, including qualified Gong Practitioners. Also, self realised spiritual teachers like Mooji and James Eaton are able to take people into emotionally difficult places and support them while they face and clear painful stuff. I have seen amazing transformations happen when someone is in front of James, and he works privately with people as well. If you work regularly with the gong, that will certainly also help to bring this “stuff” up from the sub-conscious and clear it, and move on. Then we can more easily reconnect with the boundless peace, joy and love that is the essential essence of every one of us. This is self-love. And we need to learn to love ourselves fully before we can be truly loving and intimate with others.

To summarise : Intimacy is not purely physical. It is the act of connecting with someone/people so deeply that you feel your connection at a soul level. At the deepest level of being, we are all unique expressions of the one Source; people are truly delightful in their unique individuality when we see them in this way! There are no barriers or masks when we connect like this – we are coming from a truly authentic place of just being. And this is unconditional love actually – connecting from soul to soul in true intimacy. If everyone dropped all their defences and related with each other in this way, we would have a completely different world to live in.

#intimacy #unconditionallove #connecting